It's time to tell your friend to quit wearing that rediculous goatee. Why not recommend a sheepee, instead?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Remember: it usually helps convince everyone you are right, if you jump up and down and yell.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Beware of short people.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will spend today in a state of mild anxiety. Probably Ohio.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
This will be "one of those days", I'm afraid. The person next to you on the bus will have taken one of those nitroglycerin capsules for his heart condition, and will be bending over to pick up a newspaper, just as the bus hits a big pothole...
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today is the day you will discover your larger cosmic destiny! A television infomercial and an 800 number are somehow involved.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will mortally offend a friend today when a hilarious joke pops unbidden into your mind during your friend's sad description of his problems.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Today you will have the eerie sensation that either you are going crazy or you are being watched by something indescribably evil. Luckily for you, you're in fine shape, mentally.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
It will turn out that all of your life up until now was just a peculiar dream, and that you are actually still only 2 years old. You will find this vaguely irritating.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will have left-over lasagna for lunch. This is odd, because you don't remember the lasagna being made in the first place. Just one of those little mysteries that haunts you in life.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will be hired as a cook/housekeeper for 7 extremely short gentlemen, who all live together. Stay away from apples, for a while.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Today you'll become incensed at the thought that you missed out on all the fun during the 60's and 70's, and will change your name to "Sunflower" in protest.
