This week, you'll discover a trick to make those meetings seem more interesting. Imagine that everyone else has a ferret clinging to their head.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will soon send off for plans to build your own hovercraft. Your scheme to disguise it as a giant floating eyeball is a bit silly, though. Personally, I'd make it look like you were wearing a giant hoop-skirt, in which case the engine sound and levitation might easily be passed off as a rather unfortunate case of intestinal gas.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Your car is possessed again, so you should swing by the exorcist on the way to work. I always hate it when mine is repossessed...
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will spend the day attempting to rest, but whenever you fall asleep you'll return to the same nightmare of being transformed into a chihuahua, and will wake, screaming (in a very high-pitched, whiny, and annoying sort of way).
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You need to do something about that nervous laugh. Practice an "evil laugh" and use that instead. Then at least, you'll be able to hear everyone else's nervous laughter.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Beware of cats, today. (Particularly black and white cats who sit next to you and pretend to be innocent. Those are the worst kind.)
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
You will spend today in a state of mild anxiety. Probably Ohio.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will have a grilled cheese sandwich today, and a bowl of tomato soup. When nobody is looking you will secretly dunk your sandwich.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will stack furniture in the bathtub, today. That's just the sort of thing you would do, your friends will say.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Today you will notice yet another large freshly-dug mound of dirt in your neighbor's back yard. It's probably nothing -- he probably just digs at night if he can't get to sleep. I know I do.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
You will discover a sure-fire method of fooling all the people, all the time. It will have something to do with Cottage Cheese.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Excellent day to run a new metaphor up the flagpole, and see if anyone salutes
