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Post Info TOPIC: Ask Maggie!
Maggie

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RE: Ask Maggie!
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Hi Janie,

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't have any children, but if and when I do have any I'd ask for a meeting to talk with him/her. Ask them how things are at school, or how they are in gerneral. Listening is the key to understanding and finding out if he/she is a bully. If they try changing the subject on things, then I'd worry. You can always tell if you're child is lying or telling the truth. Look in their eyes, and facia, and body movements, every single movement will tell you. Here's some signs to tell if your child is on the verge or is a bully:



The Bully: Signs and Symptoms

A youngster who is bullying other kids may display one or more of the following behaviors at home*:

1. Has a strong need to dominate and subdue others; asserts himself with power and threats to
get his own way.
2. Intimidates his siblings or kids in the neighborhood.
3. Brags about his actual or imagined superiority over other kids.
4. Is hot-tempered, easily angered, impulsive, and has low frustration tolerance. Has difficulty
conforming to rules and tolerating adversities and delays. If he has the impulsive/hyperactive
type of AD/HD, that could explain some of these behaviors; if so, its important to work with
his doctor and teachers to address and manage such behaviors.
5. Cheating
6. Oppositional, defiant, and aggressive behavior toward adults, including teachers and parents.
7. Antisocial or criminal behavior (such as stealing or vandalism), often at a relatively early age. 8. He may hang out with the wrong crowd.
* Adapted from Bullying at School

I'm sorry I can not provide to much info on this subject. But I'd not be afraid to confront him on this situation. Just ask him, and let him know you're reasons.

Here's the link to the site I got this info from. It lets you know how to go about situations like this.
http://www.schwablearning.org/articles.aspx?r=697

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Confused

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Maggie, i have a problem. I play accordion for a band and things were going great until the singer and leader of the bad started being an a$$ toward me because more attention was being paid to me. I did not ask for the attention people just seem to notice me more. I am a laid back cool person but it's getting to me already. I do alot of stuff for my band to help us out. Our singer does not see this i guess. He thinks i am trying to take the spotlight from him and that is just not the case, i rather other people get the attention than me. I am quiet and prefer to be in the backround. Problem is our band is just starting to take off and i don't know if i should waste all my hard work and start over. Please Helpconfused.gif

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MM

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Hi Confused,

"Few men have the natural strength to honour a friend's success without envy."
~Aeschylus~


It is pure jealousy. No one is perfect in this world, everyone has a different interests. Just so happens that you stick out. Which of course is normal. There are a lot of musicians like yourself out there in the background but yet on top. They need to put this envy behind themselves if they want to accomplish things, and note that they aren't the only ones in the band. And honestly, you should never be in a situation where you feel uncomfortable. And if they keep things up like that, fame or no fame, I wouldn't stay in the hot spot. Stress is bad, and since you have a lot of attention anyways right now, I bet if you start you're own band, the crowd will follow and you'll just be as good as them or better. I wouldn't worry about them, just keep up your awesome playing. Let them worry about themselves. To each his own. If they don't like it, tell them to kiss your a$$. LoL. (it's censored!) What they don't notice is that without you they'd probly not get as much attention, unless they find someone with your style. So just continue what you're doing, you're doing right, their the ones doing wrong. They should treat everyone in the band equally, and if they can't appreciate you for what you do then the best thing i can tell you is to move on. Sometimes people take it to their heads that they are better than others when in all perspectives others are better than themselves. And that's what makes some bands go down, cause they don't know how to work together. Well I hope I helped you somewhat. Good luck, and remember like I tell everyone, "Things happen for a reason."

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Brad Lee

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Hey Maggie i am a musican and my gf always thinks i am cheating on her when i go out to play. I don't do anything like that of course but how can i reassure her that when i go out it's to play and make money only, not to be messing around. Thanks Maggie i look forward to your advice.

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Joe Thomas

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Maggie hey whats happening? I got a question, i got a date coming up and i aint the smallest guy in the world lol. What can i wear to help me look more "slim" lol. Well thanks i hope you can help.

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MM

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Hi Brad Lee,

Once you are in a band you inherit this so called "Bad Boy" image. You can blame that on all the earlier musicians, lol, they always found time to party. LOL, but it's just a woman's intuition that something is going on because she is unsure of herself. Meaning, that she probably thinks that since there is a lot of girls around you all the time, that maybe you would be tempted. IIt's only human. Now that you are out in public and not all to herself and she is not used to it, she is just assuming and imagining the worse possible. Take her to you gigs. Let her know that you love her. Have her be part of this career with you, so that way she can be by your side all the time. So she can see what actually goes on during your gig and re-assure herself that everything is ok. Then hopefully she'd gradually let you on your own to gigs. But just show her that she's the only one for you, take her out more, do more things for her, surprise her every once and a while (not bad surprises either, lol). Talk with her more, and just let her know that you would never do such a thing to her. Believe it or not, but a lot of girls calm down just by long talks. Well hoped that helped a bit.


















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MM

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Hi Joe,

Are you related to Rob Thomas? LOL. just kidding. You're like who the hell is that! Just in case you don't know, he's a musician and he's my future husband. hehe. Don't tell Carlos, shhh! Anyways, you're askin the queen of wearing clothes that make you look slimmer. hehe. Dark clothing help the most. Not like gothic dark, but Black, Blue, Maroon, Dark Red, etc. will do the job. Whether it's a button up long sleeve polo to a short sleeve polo shirt it'll do. Also don't wear those really baggy shirts, try to keep it a bit fitted, not sausage like to the point where you can't breathe, but loose, lol. My favorite of all are horizontal stripes! Now that puts out an illusion for me biggrin.gif. Now, I'm not the smallest girl in the world either, I'm pretty thick, but when I put on those stripes I swear it takes off like 10 pounds. LOL. well to me at least. Actually practically all my wardrobe is in stripes. Come to think of it I think all my darn pics on myspace are in stripes, well that's pretty tacky. -ANYWAYS- Usually I go for a red and black, grey and black, or any other color mixed with black stripes. Do not wear those easter colors like teal, purple, or lime green, i think those bring out the chub. LOL. I guess cause they are so bright they actually make you look like an easter egg. Some pinks on guys work well too, just watch out for the different brightness. Well hope that helped have a great date. Oh, and I wouldn't worry about your weight, if she already agreed on a date, then she really doesn't care about appearence. biggrin.gif

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OLB

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Maggie hey i need help! My girlfriend got with this ugly guy and keeps asking me what i think of him like if he is cute and what not. How can i be honest without hurting her feelings?cry.gif

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tres

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hey olb tell her the truth bro... truth hurts but o well life goes on...

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Chucky

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Maggie i have a problem meeting girls, how can i get over being so shy?

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MM

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OK, for some strange reason I thought this was the ask Maggie section. TRES!!! LOL.


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MM

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LOL, anyways, OLB this is kinda a confusing question. Are you askin from a ex-boyfriend point of view or a girlfriend as in one of your friends that is a girl?

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OLB

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I am a girl asking about my friend who is a female and her new boyfriend sorry for the confusion.

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MM

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Chucky,

I used to be exactly like you. Very shy, not only infront of boys but in front of crowds in general. I'd pratically have a heart attack when I had to present something in class. Years went by, and I ended up in college. Low and behold, I had to take a speech class as part of my curriculum. OMG, I learned that I had to give a 8 minute speech straight on a certain subject at the end of the semester as my final exam. I hated the thought. I wanted to drop out. But then I thought to myself, "What do I have to lose?" Everyone in the class is going to go through the same thing as me. So why have an anxiety attack over it. Time progressed, and I slowly started getting out of my shell. Then finally, I got infront of the class did my speech red cheeked and all, but after that I noticed it wasn't that bad. Everyone was interested in what I had to say, I got my A that semester, I also got my confidence. So you need not fear anything. You never know what the other person is thinkin, what if they are shy as well. While meeting a person it only takes 1/100th of a second to judge you. Thats their first impression. They've already decided what they think about you. They either already like you or they don't. Just remember that and go for it. Don't let fear take over your accomplishments. What do you have to lose.

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Chucky

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Maggie thanks for the advice. I hope to put your advice to good use. Hopefully i will become a ladies man biggrin.gif

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tres

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lol Carlos said i could take over lol MAGGIEEEEE ... hes asked for some hints already lol jk ...

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MM

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OLB,

Never worry of what she is going to say. She asked you the question therefore she wants a straight answer. Tell her the truth. Relationships shouldn't be based upon looks anyways, if she really liked him then she wouldn't be askin all these appearance questions. But honestly tell her what you think, let her know that he isn't the best looker, but then again beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone has diff prefrences, but just tell her the truth, she shouldn't get angry, it's just a plain question that needs an answer. And like Tres said, if she doesn't like the answer, life goes on. :)

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MM

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I guess Tres, but I ain't paying you! lol

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Anonymous

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Good luck Chucky, I hope you do too. Just don't go all girl happy over there biggrin.gif

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Jo Gonzales

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Maggie i am not a bad looking guy but i always come out very ugly in pics. Any advice on how to make myself look better in pics from now on?

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Lisa Y.

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Hi Maggie love the colum. Well my problem is my boyfriend has a friend who is very annoying and frankly is a bad influence on my man. How do i tell my guy nicely that i have a problem with his buddy?

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MM

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Hello Jo,

Yeah I seem to have that same problem. I'm what you call not very photogenic, but yet in person I think I'm better lookin. What works with me and pics are side views or view from the top (like me lookin upwards towards the cielin. I always take pics from my right angle of my face and not my whole entire face. You might wanna try diff angles, and see what works for you. Some people are very photogenic, those are the lucky ones. LOL.

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MM

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Hi Lisa,

And thanks for readin. I say you wait for a moment that you are alone with him and let him know how you feel about it. You can both discuss both sides of the situation and see what conclusion you all come up with. Don't be harsh, talk to him calmly and let him know why you think his friend is a bad influence. He'd probly not totally stop hanging around his friend, but maybe he'd simmer down a bit. Don't be afraid to talk, talkin is good, silence leads to problems.

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Lisa Y.

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Thanks for the advice Maggie i will try it and let you know what happens.

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GH

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Hi Maggie, my boyfriend acts like a player(but he's not), how do i get him to stop?

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MM

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GH,

LOL, I'd slap some sense into him! Guys like that are dorks period, haha. They think to highly of themselves. It's part of his personality actually. And that's hard to change. If you want him to stop I say talk to him about it. Tell him how it makes you feel. I mean he's in a relationship what else does he need. Honestly, I had an ex like that, but he wasn't acting. Took a while to realize it though. I tried talking to him about how I felt about it, he would never pay any antention to what I would say. EVER! Well that's until I left his sorry a@#! Then he came back crying, and I dissed him. Haha, I don't think it's happening to you so don't take it the wrong way. That's just a worse case senario. If he pays attention to you great, then that's awesome. If he doesn't play his game, see how he likes it. But I say try talking to him, if he really cares then he'll listen and change his ways lil by lil. If not, kick him to the curve! You don't need negativity in your life, so it's either shape up or ship out.

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SDL

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Maggie help, i am a 24 year old female and have been dating this great guy (or so i thought) for a few weeks now. Well he is from out of town and everything was going great until i got the bombshell that he was marriedcry.gif what should i do? I have really fallen for him, but at the same he lied and is married. Should i talk to him about it? Or just forget him all together and move on? Please help

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MAGS

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Hi SDL,

Honey you do not need a guy like that. Whether you've fallen for him or not, he's not worth it. What makes one think that he won't do the same to you if ever he leaves his wife. You know what I mean. Don't cry over spilled milk, when all you need to do is clean up and keep goin. There are plenty of guys out there, and of course you will have the bad apples, but there is a Mr. Right out there. So keep your chin up high. And if it will make you feel better, speak to him about it first. Tell him how you feel about it, then leave him. Have you investigated the situation yet? Maybe he is separated from his wife and not divorced yet. Some people do that for the kids. I have a friend that hasn't been with her husband in I think 5 years, but she won't get divorced because of her son. So I'd definately look into that, before anything. I think talking to him will help you determine the situation outcome. Have faith in yourself, if he is still actually with her, then dump his butt right there and then, if not, work it out, but find out every single detail before hand. Hope that helped a bit, I could have actually wrote a book on that one, but since I'm at work and on limited time, you're lucky. LOL.

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RT74

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Maggie i have an 82 year old grandmother who i am trying to chrsitmas shop for. She has everything already and is kind of a pack rat. I need some gift ideas, help me if you can.

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Mags

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Hi RT74,

Yeah, I sure know how that is. Here's a few ideas:

1. a sweater
2. some slippers
3. a scarf
4. a blanket
5. a plate of goodies (baked or store bought)
6. a basket of things that she uses or likes, like lotions, hand soaps, food, etc.
7. my grandmother loved to recieve religious things like figurines of the saints and rosaries. One
year I bought her a rosary that smelled like fresh roses, and she loved it.
8. if she drinks coffee, how about one of those x-mas packages from wal-mart that has the
coffee with some mugs in there as well, or those packages with different jellies and stuff.
9. gift cards
10. perfume
11. foot massager
12. a new car - oh wait a minute that's for me :) hehe, are you readin this Carlos?
13. a Music compilation cd of the songs and artists that she likes
14. Snow globe - since she is a pack rat I'm sure she'd like that one
15. Purses - make up - jewlery (only if she still uses these things)
16. If she reads - those chicken soup for the soul books are awesome
17. a candle - one with a great scent - she'd love that one if she's not allergic to those things.
That's an A++ for sure.
18. a plant - I know they like those - maybe like a poinsettia - or other flower type she likes.
19. one of those wind-chimes for outside
20. and ornament to remember the year
21. picture frames - i'm sure she has those around the house
22. last but not least - well that I can think of right now - your presence, spend some time with
her on x-mas, let her know how much you love her - that's the best present around.


Hope that helped. Good luck, and have a Very Merry Christmas!

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Anonymous(wink, wink)

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Mags, I'm addicted to Conjunto music and can't stand Banda music! Everytime I hear a tuba, I go off the deep end and I'm not even a good swimmer. I've gone through seven anger management classes and still continue to become irrate when I hear tubas. Can you help me?



By the way hello from California Mags and Carlos! hehe

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Mags

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Dear "Anonymous" *wink-wink*,

Do you remember when you were young, they would tell you that either a boy or girl likes you when they act hateful towards you? LOL, maybe deep down inside you really like Tubas. Maybe it's time for you to learn how to swim. And maybe the reason you can't get help at angermanagement because your at the wrong meeting. You should go to Tubas anonyomous, and stop suppressing your eternal love for tubas. Maybe in your past life you wore those taco hats, those camel, ostrich, aligator or whatever the hell they wear boots, you wore those burrito suits, and played a tuba yourself. You probly died while blowing a tuba in your past life, so that is why you probly hate it so much. LOL, just kiddin. I see you are bored at work huh. To bad you live in Cali, where you hear tubas the worst. I know how to fix it, move to Texas! It's not so bad over here. Sorry buddy can't do much about that problem, it's just like going to fight in Iraq, there are just to many of them to take out. LOL, the best thing i can think of is to make Conjunto Bigger, and more and more progressive around the whole entire world. Which little by little is getting there. Just keep fighting it buddy, and I hope you like that CD that's in the mail for you, oh, I mean your dad. My significant other says it's a banda cd. hehe. j/k/ have a good one.

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Anonymous(wink, wink)

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Well, well.....I gues you have an idea of who this is considering youy nunny told you about the CD. lol By the way, I hope it's not banda, cuz if it is , I ordered my dad the wrong one! ashamed.gif

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. And just to let you know, I just got off the phone with the YMCA, I was scheduling first swimming lesson. My goodness, how harsh you can be at times Mags. lol You should of been a drill instructor for the Marines.

Hmmm....Move to Texas? Not a bad idea. You think Carlos will give me job at the shop?weirdface.gif In order to get away from the tubas, I may have to move over there huh? Time to talk with my hunny I guess. lol

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Anonymous(wink, wink)

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Oops! Please excuse the typos.

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Mags

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LOL, you know I actually considered the drill sergent part. To bad I hate the heat. You know you like it when I talk to you that way, it wouldn't be me :) haha, now for your swimming lessons, don't go gettin hypothermia on me. LOL, and of course I knew who it was from the start. Besides Fabian, you're the only one that calls me Mags. Ha, and for the CD, you have to talk to carlos about that one, he's the one who told me. LOL, anyways have a good one.

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