A strange package will appear on your doorstep -- a basket of fresh longan fruit, lined with a page from yesterday's Beijing newspaper. This could be a sign...
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
An elderly Chinese gentleman will drop by for a visit. You'll spend the entire visit in complete silence, except for the occasional clink of a teacup in a saucer.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Say something completely ordinary, today, but follow it with "Get it?" and a big grin. For example, "I'm wearing shoes. Get it?" See who gets it. Avoid them.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will discover a strange-looking thing in your underwear drawer. Best not to tell anyone.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Nothing ventured, nothing gained, is the rule for now. In fact, "nothing" will play a very large part in your future.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
It would be best, if you abandoned the Fez. You aren't that type of person, and it's no use pretending.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Today you will discover an ancient stone tablet on which mystic runes are carved. Oddly, when you find someone to translate them from Old Norse, it will turn out to be a collection of moose jokes.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Two people near you will engage in sudden, violent, rubber-band warfare. You will be caught in a crossfire, and severely thwapped. Next time, consider wearing protective headgear indoors.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to bring an empty donut box in to work, leave it on the counter in the break room, and send out email saying "free donuts!" Later, spread a rumor that your manager ate most of them.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be followed by an evil-looking man in an old green Ford pickup truck. Surprisingly, it will turn out that following people is just his hobby, and you have nothing to worry about.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today you will discover that you are capable of "channelling", when you start spouting ancient sumerian curses at a short little dweeb who cuts you off in traffic. You will start taking notes in cuneiform.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Excellent day to dig a very big hole. If you pile the dirt up around the sides, and make huge "paw prints" around it, you can have some fun by phoning a TV station and telling them about the gigantic gopher you saw.
