Everyone who drives by today will stick their head out their car window, give you a big dopey look, and flop their tongue around in the wind. If you had known this was "act like a dog" day, you might have been better prepared.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will soon accidentally discover why it is that so many things "taste like chicken." It's because they ARE chickens, in clever disguises.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will be offered a chance to go on a journey soon. It sounds like fun, but you might benefit by looking up La Isla Zancudo in a Spanish-English dictionary before you pack your bags...
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you will attempt to capitalize on the success of SPAM by inventing SPEEF. Unfortunately, you would have been much better off trying to make SPICKEN, instead.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be completely taken in, and will be very annoyed later when the truth comes out.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Today you will be "mooned" by a cat. Fortunately, you won't notice.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Good time to be logical and willing to admit error. This will amaze and confuse everyone, and some of them will be so flustered that they'll try it themselves. Just don't keep it up for too long - you might get "stuck" like that, and go through the rest of your life like some kind of freak!
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will quit your job, run away from home, and spend the rest of your days working on a shrimp trawler, under an assumed name. Personally, I think that's over-reacting.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Good day to take up Rap music as a career. Either that or plumbing. (Most people are strangely unaware of the similarities.)
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Better have that spot checked out by a doctor. Sure it may look benign, but sometimes those carpet stains can spread.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Be careful if you try to be funny, today. Although you are normally reknowned for your dry wit, you may be a bit soggy, today.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You feel like you're slowly being crushed at work, in a mental and spiritual sense. Perhaps travel would refresh you? For spiritually beneficial travel, I usually consult my neighborhood Astral Travel Agency.
