Excellent day to play the William Tell Overture really loud, and leap around flailing your arms. Try not to knock over the lamp.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Sadly, nobody will like your latest recipe invention. Perhaps the world isn't ready for a meatloaf smoothie?
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will receive a "Dear John" letter from a loved one today, but much to your relief, your name isn't "John."
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Beware of bubonic plague today. Other than that, things will be fairly normal.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you'll become incensed at the thought that you missed out on all the fun during the 60's and 70's, and will change your name to "Sunflower" in protest.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
It's time to stop beating around the bush. Move on to beating around the ornamental shrubbery.
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Someone will soon approach you with an idea. Stay well clear of it.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You will get through the day without too much trouble today. It would go even more smoothly, however, if you had bought that laser cannon when you had the chance.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will discover that you can amuse your friends by pretending that your hand is a tsetse fly, and "walking" it along the table. Your friends are easily amused, as it turns out.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
You will be detained by the police today, on suspicion of having removed a tag from a mattress. Eventually they will let you go with just a warning.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Your slogan for the week should be "Carpe Dium", or "Sieze the Day!." Once you sieze it, give it a good shake, just to prove you mean business.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
After spending days learning to simultaneously pat your head and rub your tummy, you will move on today to patting your head and rubbing someone else's tummy.
