Have you ever considered adopting a new life as a "mountain-person"? Living in the vast mountains and forests of Alaska, hewing an existence from the unforgiving wild Nature of our ancestors? Nope, me neither.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You will discover you have a certain flair for copywriting, and will pick up a little extra spending money by doing window signs for stores, such as "Going Out Of Business. Waaaah!"
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Good day to make Mexican food. Just don't drink the water.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Today you should sit down (someplace comfy), and ask yourself if you even care. You shouldn't. It's not your fault, you've been trying as hard as you can, so you shouldn't care. Not if they're going to act like that.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Today you will meet Klive Dinky, the proprietor of Klive Dinky's Tropical Dream Vacation, and Spa Salon. He will turn out to be much shorter than you ever imagined.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
An older friend will avoid you today. Have you considered using any of the vast number of breath-freshening products that are available, these days?
Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Try to praise in public and criticize in private. Just never, ever, criticize privates.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You haven't been sleeping well, but that will soon change. You will develop the knack of falling instantly asleep whenever you want to -- either at night, or during boring meetings.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Today you will be either snug as a bug in a rug, or smug as a thug on a drug. Hard to say for sure.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
What you are about to do is wrong. Of course, you will only find that out much later. For now, enjoy yourself!
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
People around you are starting to look a bit complacent. Good day to adopt a haunted expression and carry a large ball of aluminum foil.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Good day to hide an iguana in someone's satchel. They will not be expecting that, so everyone will get a good chuckle out of it.
